it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She announced her abortion via fbk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
