the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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