hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
