i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
