farters have to be the big spoon...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
