i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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