someone get that fucking seahorse.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
