If i come over, it means nothing
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
