If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
