she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
