If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
