I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
