Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
