Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
