they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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