Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
