Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
