just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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