saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
