please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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