Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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