dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
