she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
