it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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