Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
