She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
