I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
