she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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