If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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