wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
