dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
your like the ambassador to my penis.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
