i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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