the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
