Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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