I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
