You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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