My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
