Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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