I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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