he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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