I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
