im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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