i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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