i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
