As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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