No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
