Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
