how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
