I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
