I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
