cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drunk is not a location!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
