He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
