You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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