I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
