I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
