I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
