my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
