So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
