i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
