I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
