Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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