im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
