SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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