i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
