Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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