If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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