Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
