So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
