barbara walters just said penis...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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