Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
