Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
